what if island

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“Wait a minute!” I shouted. “I thought this was supposed to be fun. I didn’t come to the ocean to be depressed.”

“Don’t you get it?” asked Joshua. “I’m here to show you that I can see what you see and feel what you feel and, yes, it is scary and lonely, but things will get better. I’m also here to make sure you don’t give up and to reassure you that you’re not alone.”

I felt my heart pop open like a can of soda. It was such an overwhelming feeling of relief that can only be described as a genie being let out of her bottle.

Before I could utter another word, Maya was back.

“I can see I have left the two of you alone long enough,” she said, sternly. “Let’s move on! I can tell where this is headed and now is not the time.”

I knew what Maya was talking about and couldn’t help but agree. I had a strange feeling of exhilaration mixed with fear. Meeting someone who is very similar to you creates an intimacy that can be quite overpowering. I felt as if I were in a movie and the hero was saying to me, “Where have you been all of my life?” It made feel like crying; not sad tears but happy ones.

“OK,” said Maya, “How about the two of you having some fun? If we were on a ranch, this is the part where you would meet the ranch manager and he would bring out Max, the magnificent Mustang, and you would ride off into the sunset. Well, perhaps that’s too romantic, but you get the point. Down here in the ocean we have Sara, the sea turtle. She happens to be my best friend and she will take you on the ride of your life. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘I’ve been on a Jet-Ski so how much fun could this be?’ All I can say is, get on and find out!”

Sara pulled up next to the waterbed and told us to climb aboard. She had a rope tied under the bottom of her shell for us to hang onto. Joshua helped me onto Sara’s shell and I grabbed the rope, feeling as if I were holding onto the reins of a horse. Joshua got on behind me and put his arms around my waist. We didn’t know where we were going but we were both very excited. It felt like when it’s your birthday and a friend blindfolds you, telling you to get into the car but not telling you where you’re going. You know it’s going to be great and the blindfold adds just enough anxiety that your body is tingling with electricity. You feel that if you don’t find out soon you’re going to short circuit!

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“What is it with you and always wanting to know where you’re going?” asked Sarah, incredulously. “You’re a very controlling person, aren’t you? Please, just relax and trust me!”

Joshua started to laugh. He couldn’t help it. I knew he was thinking that Maya had her work cut out for her with me! As much as I agreed with him, part of me couldn’t help feeling angry with Joshua for laughing.

 

Chapter 6

 

“Okay, here we are!” announced Sara.

“Already?” I shouted. “I didn’t even have a chance to enjoy the scenery.”

“You were so focused on where we were going,” said Sara, “You didn’t take time to enjoy the view.”

“Well, I guess that is why I am here with you and Maya. I still have a lot to learn.”

“Yes, you do,” Sara replied. “But I have a feeling you’re well on your way to the next step. Recognizing the problem is one of the biggest hurdles to overcome. So, what are you two waiting for? Marcus has been standing there waiting to greet you for the last five minutes.”

We hadn’t noticed anyone beside us and were startled when Marcus suddenly announced, “Welcome to What If Island!”

I couldn’t speak or move. Marcus looked like a wax figurine. He had a beautiful smile with perfectly white teeth. His golden blonde hair was very wavy, without being curly, and his strong body looked to have been bronzed from long hours in the sun. His shoulders were big, but not overly large, and every other part of his body was perfectly proportioned. He truly did not look real.

“What kind of place is this?” I said. “I have never seen anything like this, or anyone like you, Marcus.”

“Let me introduce myself,” he said, smiling. “I’m the Manager of What If Island and, I assure you, I am real. I got this job after many, many years of working with Maya. I started out just like the two of you; knowing what could be but afraid to move forward to find out ‘What if’. I spent a lot of time on land learning how to live in the present and meeting with Maya each year to check on my progress. Not everyone gets the chance to meet Maya each year. Only those who truly put forth the effort to change and take the risks in doing so.”

“Okay,” I said, “I understand all that, but how come you look so perfect?”

“When you let go of all your fears the body responds and it begins to take care of itself,” said Marcus. “Stress really does cause a lot of physical problems and learning how to deal with it does wonders for your overall health. The earlier you start to live in the present the less work your body has to do to repair itself. I didn’t always look like this. I was overweight, had a bad back and never exercised. The body you see now took ten years to develop; half on land and the other half on this island.”

“How old are you?”

“I’m sixty.”

“No way!” I said. “You look like you’re thirty-five.”

“I really am sixty. You have to be fifty-five or older to live here.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Maya feels that’s how many years of life experience you truly need live in the present. Living here is a sort of graduation gift that you can choose if you want to.”

“Are you saying What If Island is a retirement community?”

“Yes, but we have another island and that is a family residence. Whether that section can be sustained is yet to be determined. That will ultimately be up to you and all who have the opportunity to meet Maya. You’ll understand more about that later.”

“Marcus, I have to ask you a question. Why are Joshua and I here?”

“You are here to have an afternoon of total enjoyment and to show you what you can have if you work hard when you go back home. We all need some incentive to work hard and an afternoon here will, I think, give you both that drive to come back. Shall we get started?”

I couldn’t believe what was happening. If I hadn’t had an out of body experience earlier, I must be having one now. It definitely felt like I was in another dimension and that none of this could truly be real. I finally felt like I was living up to my name, Tallahassee, or Tally for short, and it just seemed to fit.

 

Chapter 7

 

We walked along the beach on white sand that should have been burning but was not. I noticed a magnificent building that looked like a castle built of chrome, white stucco, and glass rather than bricks and mortar. I started to walk toward the castle but Marcus yelled, “Stop! You can’t go in there yet.”

“Why not?”

“The castle is where the island’s residents live. We save that for your next visit.”

“Oh,” I said, disappointed, “Now I get it. Not everyone has to wait. Just me because of my annoying curiosity, right?”

 Marcus began laughing so hard he fell on the ground. “No Tally, not this time. Everyone who visits the island for the first time has to wait until their next visit to view the inside of the castle. We need to leave some things to your imagination for when you return home. A little curiosity is good for the soul. Apparently we have all been a little too hard on you about your need to know all.”

Marcus apologized, but he was still laughing.

As we walked away from the castle, we passed a variety of people, some wearing clothes, some not. I wondered why I wasn’t a little embarrassed, but I wasn’t. Everyone was enjoying fancy drinks with waiters catering to their every demand. Some of the people were getting massages while other’s played cards or just rested on hammocks. The most amazing part was that the beach was their backyard. They actually lived on the beach which is something I have dreamt about doing my whole life, never imagining it could happen to me.

“Like what you’re seeing so far?” asked Marcus, leading the way.

“Who wouldn’t?” I replied, sarcastically. “How did you get all these waiters and massage therapists?”

“They live here,” said Marcus. “You still have to do some work while living on What If Island but you can choose to do what you like. Some people choose to cook while others choose to give massages or to make drinks. But everyone has to clean their own apartments.”

“OK, so this isn’t really heaven after all!” I said with a grin.

“Well, some residents refer it to it as heaven on earth.”

“I guess I can see that. I’ve only been here for thirty minutes and I don’t ever want to leave.”

“Well,” considered Marcus, “For one thing, you’re not old enough to stay and, for another, just saying that shows us you’re not ready to stay. You’re already worrying about having to leave which takes away some of the enjoyment of being here. I’m sorry, Tally, for being so brutally honest but the sooner you catch yourself looking ahead, the sooner you can stop. That’s when you’ll be able to live here.”

“But I thought you had to be fifty-five.”

“Yes, that is true for this island but not the other one. And at the rate you’re going, you will be fifty-five!”

Joshua had said very little so far but now, once again, he had to laugh. This time, however, instead of being put off, I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I got the sense that he was ready to live here but, since I was not, he was willing to wait. He hadn’t said anything to that effect, but most men tend to know more than they say, especially when it comes to their emotions.

“OK guys,” said Marcus, “I will now leave you in the magical hands of Mindy and Samantha. They are two of the massage therapists here on the island.”

We walked over to two massage tables, the usual kind that you would see in any chiropractic or massage therapist’s office. Those tables were the first normal things I had seen since being on the island. Just a few yards away from where we were standing I noticed more of these tables spread around along the entire beach.

“Don’t you have a special room where you do massages?”

“Not on What If Island,” answered Samantha. “We are very open and liberated here. In fact, we have to ask if you would prefer to leave your bathing suits on or off. Also, do you want us to leave ours on or off?”

I could not believe what I was hearing. On or off? What kind of place was this? I felt like I was at a nudist colony!

“I know this must seem strange to you,” Samantha continued, “But most people lose their inhibitions once they become residents of What If Island. It’s part of the natural state of being once you’ve learned how to live in the moment.”

“Please don’t think we all run around in the nude because we don’t,” said Mindy. “Most of the time we prefer to wear clothes. Personally, I think everyone looks better dressed but, for a massage, a swim, or sunbathing, most people prefer to be nude.”

“Thanks for the explanation,” I said. “I was a bit confused. This is all so new to me it’s hard to take it all in.”

“I understand,” said Samantha. “We see many visitors such as yourself and they all have the same first impression. It’s because you’re not quite ready to live here so we expect you to be a bit taken aback. However, we still need an answer. Which do you prefer, clothes on or off?”

Well, I mused, as the saying goes, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do!” So I decided that while I was on What If Island I’d do what the islanders did.

“No clothes for me!” I declared.

“That goes for me too,” answered Joshua, with a huge smile on his face. They were the first words he had uttered since we’d been here.

“What about us,” said the girls, “Clothes on or off?”

We both said, “whatever you prefer,” knowing full-well that meant clothes off.

After the massage, another handsome man, almost as good-looking as Marcus, brought over two terry-cloth robes. “Thanks Cory,” both girls said at the same time.

“These are for the two of you to keep,” said Cory, handing each of us a robe. “Think of them as a gift from Maya.”

“I bet you’re both pretty hungry,” said Samantha.

“Yes, now that I think about it, ” answered Joshua. The massage must have relaxed his voice because he was speaking more often now.

“Can I lay here a little longer?” I asked. “I really want to take all of this in. It is still so amazing to me. Not just this place but the whole experience, starting with Maya jumping out at me from the water and me letting go of the pier and diving in after her and ultimately ending up here. It’s all happening so fast. Joshua, you go on ahead. I want to be alone for a bit.”

“OK,” said Joshua, “If you’re sure you don’t mind.”

“I’m sure. I’ll catch up with you later and you can tell me what’s good to eat.”

 

Chapter 8

While relaxing on the massage table wearing the most comfortable robe ever to touch my skin, I felt like crying. Not out of sadness but out of pure joy. It felt like when you’re a child and your parents take you to the circus. A vendor walks up and down the aisles with lollipops larger than your face and you want one so badly but you know your parents will never buy you one so you don’t dare ask. Then the most amazing thing happens. Your father, ever so quietly, gets the vendor’s attention and before you know what’s happening, you’re holding that lollipop larger than your face with its myriad of colors rivaling a rainbow. That was the best way to describe what I was feeling; I was the luckiest person in the world and yet none of it was planned.

I suppose, in a way, that is what luck is all about. But I also believe in many ways you create your own luck so perhaps luck wasn’t the right word. Maybe blissful was a better way to describe how I was feeling.

I knew now what Maya meant when she said that “What if” could sometimes be a good thing and not always a bad one. From now on “What if”, to me, means that anything is possible and to not add my limited beliefs. A thought popped into my head, “Remember, you can create your own bad luck just as easily as good luck.” I realized Maya had been trying to tell me that I was onto something and that I should believe what I was telling myself and avoid the second-guessing which led me back to my old ways.

Since I believe you create you own luck, I wondered what I had done to allow Maya to enter my life. Maybe when I had asked myself whether all my “What ifs” were worth the price I had paid for security, I had reached the turning point of my life. Or, maybe, it was as simple as having slowed down and done the one thing Maya had said was essential; taking the time to stop and see where you have been and where you wanted to go. She had seen the intent in me and that’s all she had needed. Even though I couldn’t see Maya right then, I felt her jumping high above the water with such enthusiasm because she was so very proud that one of her students had passed a very important test.

I could hear my stomach rumbling, in fact so could anyone who might be standing nearby, so I decided to find Joshua and enjoy some of the wonderful food I was sure the island provided. When I reached the dining area, I saw a large blue tent with lots of tables set up beneath it. It looked like any party you might see outdoors. I was pretty sure this was where I would find Joshua. Sure enough, I spotted him sitting alone at a table kitty-corner from where I was standing. Looking up from his plate, he saw me too.

“Tally!” he shouted. “Get over here! You won’t believe the spread this place provides! Imagine the biggest buffet you have ever seen at a wedding, or the biggest sweet table, and double it because that’s what they have here. You just have to think about something and they make it. It’s surreal!”

I came over and took the seat next to him.

“Watch,” he said, turning to one of the waiters. “Charles, may I please have a ...”

“Baked Alaska?” said Charles, finishing Joshua’s thought for him. “Coming right up.” Charles gave me a quick nod before hurrying off to fill the order.

“This place is unbelievable, Tally. Give it a try!”
“OK,” I said. “When Charles comes back, I’ll order my favorite, Shrimp Scampi.”

Charles returned to the table with a plate covered with the most succulent-looking Baked Alaska I’d ever seen.                        

“Here you go Joshua,” said Charles as he placed the plate on the table. He then turned to me saying, “And Tally, I’ll get your Shrimp Scampi right away.”

“See what I mean?” whispered Joshua as he tucked into his dessert.

“What type of dressing would you like on your salad?” Charles asked me.

“Thousand Island, please.”

“That’s what I thought,” said Charles with a knowing smile. “Anything in particular you would care to drink? If I may make a suggestion, our What If Island Smoothies are an island favorite.”

“Well, as I said before, do as the islanders do. A What If Island Smoothie will be just fine.”

I knew I should be wondering how a person could have meals magically prepared just by imagining them with no menu in sight, but I supposed this was just another oddity about this place for me to contemplate, much like Maya, Sara, and Joshua. But did it really matter so long as I was having fun? When I thought about it, this was the most fun I’d had in the last thirty-nine years of my life, so why ruin it with my annoying curiosity and those bad “What ifs”. Much better to dwell on the good “What ifs” that allowed me the innocence I so desperately needed to survive.

I devoured the Shrimp Scampi along with the salad. I also ordered my own serving of the Baked Alaska. Once again, I thought I was in heaven. The food tasted as good as it had magically appeared. It truly left me speechless which, for me, was almost impossible!

As for the What If Island Smoothies well, all I can say is that it seemed to do something to my body, as if it knew just what I needed and took care of any abnormalities. It was like a fountain-of-youth pill, but better. I didn’t think you could get sick on What If Island if you drank these smoothies.

While I was eating, Joshua sat back and watched me. I knew what he was thinking and I couldn’t help but feel excited. He wanted me and he wanted me now! I guess it’s true about your inhibitions slipping away when you’re on this island. I didn’t ever want to leave.

“But you have to,” a voice behind me said. “In fact, you have to go now.”

It was Marcus and he told us that Sara was waiting.

“Already?” I groaned.

“I’m afraid so,” replied Marcus. “It’s your first visit and, unfortunately, your time is up.”

“But what if I want to stay?” I asked, desperately.

“You can’t,” said Marcus. “You still have responsibilities back home.”

“Then, when can I come back?” I queried, hoping the answer would be tomorrow.

“That’s up to Maya but I have a feeling we will be seeing the two of you again,” said Marcus, smiling.

We walked along the shore to where Sara was waiting for us.

“Ready?” she asked.
“No,” I replied, grumpily, “But what choice do I have?” I already knew the answer to that question.

“So long Marcus,” Joshua and I said sadly. “See you soon.”
At least I hoped we would!

 

Chapter 9

 

While riding back on Sara, neither of us said a word. We didn’t know what to say. It was the kind of feeling you get when the other person doesn’t say a word and you know instinctively what they are thinking. In fact, you don’t even have to be in the same room or, for that matter, in the same state.

How do you know when you meet the right one? It’s a question you hear asked all the time; either by your kids, your friends, or sometimes even yourself. If you don’t know the answer then you probably haven’t met the right one yet. The answer to knowing when you’ve met the right person is when you know what they are thinking without any words being spoken. That ability does not come out of habit, it comes out of intimacy and cannot be explained any other way.

People often wonder if there is only one Mr. Right or Ms. Right and the answer is no. There are many but you will keep missing them if you refuse to listen inside because the words won’t need to be spoken and your heart will shut down out of fear.

Maya must have been talking telepathically to me again because I didn’t know where those thoughts had just come from.

“Welcome back,” Maya said as Sara pulled up alongside the waterbed. “Have a nice time?”

“It was incredible,” I gasped, excitedly. I couldn’t wait to see what Maya had planned for us next.

As I was getting off Sara, Joshua leaned over, grabbed my shoulders, and turned me around with such force that if it wasn’t for the kiss he placed on my lips I would have been afraid. Holding up a piece of wood he said, “See this stick?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“You don’t know it yet but it belongs to you. This stick represents part of a tree; the part that belongs to me. And, because of that, this stick now represents the part of me that belongs to you. Think of it as one of life’s miracles; the many wonders that this small piece of wood, with all its twists and turns, or knots and little holes, symbolizes. Any time you see a piece of wood, whether it’s a entire tree or just a twig, even if its a piece of furniture, know that it represents more than it appears to. It’s a piece of wholeness, Tally. Remember that. KNOW IT NOW!”

I wanted to ask Joshua what it all meant, but by the time I had scrambled back onto the waterbed and turned around, I saw him riding away on Sara.

“Wait!” I yelled. My stomach felt like it had dropped to the bottom of the sea. I was in so much pain I could barely breathe. “Maya, what is going on?” I finally managed to ask. “Why did Joshua leave?”

“He had to,” she replied, simply.

“But why? It makes no sense. You introduce me to the man of my dreams; my hero, my guardian angel, my soul-mate and then you take him away? WHY!” I screamed, “Why do such a cruel thing?”

“Tally, calm down and I’ll try to explain. It’s the same reason you can’t live on What If Island just yet. First you have to understand what you’re missing to know what you want. He’s not gone forever and he’ll still be in your dreams but you know you can’t be together.”

“I don’t care,” I said. “It was a cruel and mean trick. I’m being punished for needing security and now I am paying the price. I hate you, Maya, I hate you!”

“Tally, please calm down. You don’t know how good it will be. In a sense, the worse is over. You know now what you have to do so you can move forward. You now have the tools you need. It won’t be easy but you’re lucky enough to see the rewards. Not everyone is that lucky. In fact, most people aren’t. They settle and stay stuck in their lives without the courage to change. But you have that courage! Remember, YOU ARE the one who said, ‘I’ll give the person named Tallahassee the respect she deserves. A girl named Tallahassee can’t be afraid of life.’ Wasn’t that YOU who said that?”

“Yes,” I replied, “But I had no idea it would be so hard.”

“Tally, no one said being yourself would be easy. At times, others around you get hurt but you get hurt more by trying to fit in where you don’t belong or by trying to change people who won’t, or can’t, change. You can only change yourself. You are raising your kids to be individuals and you’re doing a great job, I might add, but they will go through many of the same things you’ve been through. They’ll ask themselves the same questions, wonder the same things, and question their inner voice. It takes a brave person to go against the grain. Life is hard but being a hermit is not the answer. Your kids will benefit from what you do after you leave here and so will your husband. You just don’t know that yet. You have to let them grow and learn the lessons they need to learn. You can’t protect them anymore. You’ll be there to catch them but you must let them fall. Otherwise your kids will grow up scared like you and make the same mistakes you made. You’re lucky because you now have a lot of the answers to the questions they may ask. However, you must wait for them to ask. Rest assured, they will.”

“Is all of this supposed to make me feel better?” I demanded, adding, “WELL IT DOESN’T! I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here. I want Joshua to come back. I want to live on What If Island. I want it all, NOW!”

I suddenly realized something. “Wait a minute!” I screamed. “I don’t even know Joshua’s last name, or his phone number, or even his e-mail address! I can’t contact him! What have you done to me? What did I do that was so bad to deserve this kind of pain?”

“You did nothing, Tally.” said Maya patiently. “What you’re feeling is perfectly normal. Who wouldn’t want to stay in paradise? In a way I am being unfair to make this trip so short but it might have been even harder to leave if you had spent more time on the island. You’re not ready to stay there. You do miss your family and leaving them is out of the question. You’re in a state of shock but you’ll get over it. For now, it’s alright to be upset. Joshua is not gone and What If Island will still be here. You will be back. I’m not as cruel as you make me out to be. I’m trying to help you and one day you’ll see that. If you couldn’t handle all of this you never would have let go of that pier, let alone jump into the water and grab on to me. You’re a brave girl, Tally, and the best is yet to come!”

Tears were rolling down my face as I tried to grasp what Maya was telling me. Gradually a light began to shine on my dark thoughts.

“Maya,” I said, hesitantly, “I’m beginning to understand what this whole experience has been about and it’s helping me to see the reasoning behind What If Island. It’s about seeing the futility of material items that people mistakenly think will make them happy. Normally a place like What If Island would cost thousands of dollars for a one-week vacation that only the wealthy could afford. But What If Island has no monetary costs, only spiritual ones. You gain admittance, not by how much money you have, but by being true to yourself. It’s the one place you can’t pay with cash or credit card and expect to get in. You’re treated just like everyone else, no matter what your race, religion, or personal income. The reason you’re treated the same is that all who reside on What If Island have learned to recognize the truth within and have no insecurities. The only reason people treat each other differently is out of fear and ignorance. I understand your plan Maya. You assume that one day enough people will visit you based on the examples Joshua, myself, and the others, who you refer to as your partners, have set. And What If Island will create a transformation so strong that What If Island will one day also become What If Land. It will take generations, but it’s a start. A good one, I might add, but I don’t know if I’m up to the challenge.”

“Tally, you’re right about my plan and its challenges,” agreed Maya, “But saying what you just said and actually living it is a different matter. I wish I could put you on the island right now because you already posses most of what you need to live there. You recognize what’s wrong with the world and within yourself but in order for you to live on What If Island you have to go back and practice what you have now learned. Please, don’t misunderstand me. I don’t expect you to change the world, I expect you to follow your heart and trust it. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be able to live on What If Island.”

“But what if I’m afraid?”

“I know you’re afraid. Who wouldn’t be? Seeing all you can see and knowing all you know. But running away is not the answer. I’ll be watching over you and I’ll know how you are doing. I expect to meet with you year after year until you make it as a permanent resident of What If Island. It won’t be easy, Tally, but remember you’ll never be alone. Joshua and I will always be with you but we can’t do the work you need to do. You won’t see us, except in your dreams, but you will feel us. The decisions you make must be your own and we will be there to support you. Tally, remember this, the truth hurts and you will be in pain. But hiding from the truth is much more painful than the truth itself. What I am trying to say is this; seeing the truth within is, at first, a very lonely place. Most people believe the truth is what others tell them it is. You need to be self-assured and possess the inner-strength to know the truth and not let anyone persuade you otherwise. You will be fine and you are up for the challenge. I know you don’t realize the full scope of what is ahead for you. The time will come when you do and the pain you, at times, will feel will be understood and, at that moment, you’ll be proud of what you have accomplished and then, but only then, will you become a resident of What If Island.

I’ll make you a promise, Tally. No matter how well you do this year, next year you will be able to spend a weekend on What If Island and, yes, I’m sure Joshua will be back. He’s a lot farther along than you but, as you already know, he’s willing to wait.”

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